I won’t lie, I’m scared.
I’m scared of what I am capable of doing to myself.
I’m insecure, I always have been.
I’ve always needed constant reassurance to convince myself I’m worth anything.
I hang on to every remark made about me.
I don’t have the confidence to just brush hate off and not let it effect me.
It all effects me.
Some days more than others but I listen to the negativity more than I listen to the support.
There’s so much pain, and I know that pain is supposed to make us feel stronger but I’m getting weaker.
And what if that’s all life is for me?
Just pain and no progress.
I want to believe that my life isn’t worthless and I can actually do some good in this world.
But there’s just so many people saying,
“Kill yourself,”
“End it,”
"I fucking hate you,”
“Your life is worthless."
How can I not listen to that?
How can that not effect me?
The world is telling me to hate myself.
How am I not going to listen to it?
How is that not going to change my own opinion of me?
The opinions of others have always meant more than my own.
So once again, I’m scared.
I live in fear, not because of others, but I fear myself.
I live in fear because I am on the edge of death.
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